- I'm the mother of twins, and I've found college has been a very difficult era.
- One of my twins got accepted to her dream school early decision, while the other didn't.
- It was especially hard to send off two children to college at the same time.
In 2001, I was in the middle of my pediatric residency when I met my husband before work for my routine pregnancy ultrasound. But the ultrasound changed from routine to life-changing when we saw two heartbeats. I was pregnant with twins — a boy and a girl.
A million thoughts and fears went through my head. My immediate concerns were focused on getting through a high-risk pregnancy. We marked each week on a calendar and celebrated the babies' development as the delivery date approached. Everyone seemed to have their own advice as we were going to become first-time parents to two babies at once. It often included: "Start saving for college now." College? I couldn't even imagine getting through to the end of the pregnancy.
But now that my kids are in college, I wish I had prepared for this much sooner.
In August 2002, our healthy twins were finally born, and everything became different
After their birth, the next year became a blur of sleepless nights, diapers, and feedings.
With twins, everything always seemed logistically more difficult. Each milestone was exponentially more complicated when it had to be done with two children at once. Toilet training, learning to tie shoelaces, and teaching them to ride a bike all took more time and physical stamina than it would have with just one child.
I thought their childhood years would be the hardest, but I was wrong.
When my kids started applying to colleges, I realized I was entering one of the most difficult phases of parenting twins
By fall 2019, it felt like we were rounding the final lap as our twins started their senior year of high school. However, the next hurdle was the college-application process, and it wasn't easy.
At times, it was difficult to support each of them through the application process. It was tedious trying to keep college-tour appointments, application deadlines, and application materials organized. When I helped them with their essays and applications, it was sometimes hard to read each with a fresh set of eyes.
It became especially difficult for me when my twins decided to not discuss the application process with each other so they wouldn't get competitive. I felt like the middle person, watching both my children apply for the same dream school. It was hard to know how much to discuss with them about each other.
Unfortunately, one of my twins got into their first-choice school and the other did not
We had the unexpected experience of one getting into her first choice through early decision, and the other did not. It was a difficult day in the house, and I had to figure out how to balance the two. Days apart, we celebrated for one and supported the disappointed party.
Since one got in with early decision, she knew where she was going in November, and the other had to keep applying. In the spring, the other twin got into a great school, which happened to be Tulane University — where my other twin was accepted. They decided to go to the same university but enroll in different schools.
As the pandemic was in full swing, we spent our unexpected free time reviewing packing lists and planning dorm rooms. In the fall, their school opened for in-person learning, and we traveled across the country from Connecticut twice to unpack their dorms. I held back the tears as we said our goodbyes.
With both of them gone, reality set in for me
While I wasn't yet an empty nester — I have two other children — the emotional difficulty of adjusting to life at home with two kids away at college was harder than expected. The house was exponentially quieter.
Everyone talks about the college goodbye and leaving your "baby" behind. Going through that twice in one week magnified all my emotions. Even though our twins were fraternal and different genders, they had never been separated. This was the first time they would not be on the same schedule and in the same buildings for classes.
All this took a toll on me. I worried about how they would handle the separation, even though they were used to being independent.
As the college years have gone on, things have gotten easier
As we are embarking on senior year, we've adjusted to our quieter home, and our twins have developed more of their own relationship outside my husband and me. It's given them a chance to develop as individuals. They have each taken on more responsibility for the logistics that were difficult in the earlier years. Thankfully, the emotional stressors have lessened.
Ultimately, I've learned there is no finish line when parenting, and I'm looking forward to the next phase.
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