...and how to deal with them
No matter your field of work, navigating your colleagues’ personalities can often feel like its own full-time job. The good ones can make the 9 to 5 sail by on a sea of water-cooler banter and emoji-laden Slack threads.
The bad ones? Well, suffice it to say that HR wouldn’t approve of the description I wrote in the first draft of this story.
Even though most people have had experience negotiating peer relationships long before their first job, encountering this particular cast of characters can still come as a bit of a culture shock, said Amy Gallo, a contributing editor at the Harvard Business Review and the author of the diplomatically named “Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People).”
“Even in school, sometimes you have choices of, ‘Who do I do this project with?’ or, ‘Who do I sit next to in class?’” Gallo said. “And then all of that autonomy and choice is taken away in the work environment.”
Although venting about your co-workers is a tradition so tried and true that it should be reviewed during onboarding, it’s also important to learn how to face conflicts head-on. “No one ever tells us, here’s how you have a good fight,” said Gallo.
So here are some insights into six types of sanity-testing co-workers you’re likely to encounter at your first job — from the merely annoying to the abjectly infuriating to the where-are-the-cameras-from-”The Office”-to-glare-into-when-you-need-them — and how to deal with them without getting yourself fired.
Of course, there are cases when co-workers behave inappropriately in ways beyond what even the most well-meaning advice can handle. If conflict escalates past what you feel comfortable navigating, go to your boss or your human resources department for help.
And keep in mind: If you can’t think of a person in your office who fits one of these descriptions, it might just be you.
The Step-Boss
Say hello to the 'mentor' nobody asked for.
Much like an overeager step parent, this colleague has taken it upon themselves to become something of an informal manager for you. Perhaps they’ll even try to offload some of their more tedious to-do list items — aren’t you lucky?
While mentorship is one thing, fielding requests or assignments from someone who is supposed to be your peer is quite another. It can be helpful in any uneven dynamic to try to view yourselves as collaborators working together to improve your interactions, Gallo said.
“If you can try to sort of see yourself as partners, even if the other person isn’t seeing it that way, I think that can help as well,” she said.
The Interrupter
If only humans had mute buttons.
This person — oh, wait, sorry, I wasn’t done talking. Sometimes, colleagues — oh, if I could just finish this thought?
Yeah, being unable to get a word in edgewise, especially when you’re still trying to prove yourself, can be pretty demoralizing.
In these cases, Gallo recommends enlisting an ally — perhaps your boss, or if The Interrupter is your boss, then a trusted coworker — to intervene. This way, you don’t have to have an all-out confrontation while you’re still getting your feet wet.
“That’s a more indirect way to get that that behavior to stop,” she said.
The Pedometer
Could this not have been a Slack message?
This person is a little bit too happy to be off Zoom.
They seem to never be at their desk, instead happy to “get their steps in” by trotting over to yours — about 20 times a day. Though the occasional face-to-face chat can be a nice reprieve, if you’re someone who struggles with toggling between tasks, it can make deep focus feel all but impossible.
To remove uncertainty, Gallo suggests setting expectations with your co-worker by discussing “what warrants a stop-by” — or perhaps setting up a standing 15-minute daily meeting to catch up, she said.
“It’s not like, ‘Can you please stop doing this annoying thing?’ It’s like, ‘Can we come up with an agreement about how we’re going to interact?’” she said.
Or, you could always request that they wear a bell around their neck — that way, at least you can hear them coming.
The Technophone
Have you tried turning it on and off again?
You’re not sure how it happened, but now, whenever this person is dealing with a spotty Wi-Fi connection or a glitchy printer, you are enlisted as tech support. While it can be flattering to feel like the gadget guru, you aren’t exactly being paid to serve as someone’s personal Genius Bar.
It is completely within your right, said Gallo, to “refer them to the experts” — i.e., the IT department. And you can practice your peacemaking skills while you’re at it.
“Maybe even acknowledge, like, ‘I know it’s a hassle to go to them, but trust me, you’re going to get much better help from them,’” she said.
The Bouncer
Thou shall not pass!
This person has appointed themselves the doorman of the office, punctuating just about all of your conversations with something of a verbal ID check. “Were you even alive for [insert event here]?” is their common refrain.
Instead of resorting to a muttered “Ok, boomer,” try your best to take these intergenerational gaps in stride, suggests Gallo.
“You might say, ‘Well, I hope I hope my age doesn’t make a big difference to you, because it doesn’t make a big difference to me,’” she said.
The Megaphone
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR!
Has this person ever heard of an indoor voice? You’re not sure. What you are sure of is that you heard their last seven phone conversations so clearly that you could recite their end word for word.
Try to explain to them during a moment of quiet how their behavior — be it a loud voice, a bouncing leg, or an incessantly clicking pen — is getting in the way of your productivity, Gallo said.
“If you’re able to say, ‘Them tapping their foot all the time distracts me to the point where I can’t get my work done,’ that’s a different conversation than ‘I find your foot tapping annoying,’” she said.
And if all else fails, perhaps invest in some noise-canceling headphones.
Dana Gerber can be reached at dana.gerber@globe.com. Follow her @danagerber6.
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