My last article was a personal and open letter I shared for my daughter and parents everywhere. The goal of sharing the message was to begin the discussion of forgiveness. Many of us can feel quite doltish if we admit we were wrong, or we may evade an apology for days, even years, because we cannot bring ourselves to admit we made a mistake. Being full of overly inflated pride cannot only be dangerous, but it can inhibit our healing process and prevent us from personal growth. Have you ever asked yourself why we have such a difficult time apologizing? With that question in mind, empathy allows us to realize that those who have hurt us may have just as much of a difficult time apologizing as we do.
Forgiveness can be difficult. Imagine that you hurt someone, and you know you were wrong, but you refuse to apologize because the person you damaged hurt you in the past. C.S. Lewis said, “No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good.” If we wait too long to apologize and recognize our wrongdoing, then we begin to feel guilty and ashamed. We would rather avoid an apology because it would mean we have an error in our thinking and personality. We couldn’t possibly reveal any chinks in our armor.
Not to litter this article with quotes, but Friedrich Nietzsche said, “It is much more agreeable to offend and later ask forgiveness than to be offended and grant forgiveness.” It is almost like we allow ourselves to be led into this cycle of bullheaded behavior and keep inflicting wounds on ourselves and others. What if the key to the city of forgiveness is learning how to forgive ourselves for what we have done? It would make sense.
When we demand an apology from someone, we allow ourselves to be poisoned with resentment and superiority. In my opinion, that does not seem like a pathway to inner peace, understanding, and tolerance. We will rant. We will rave. We will assassinate someone’s character because we have been hurt. If we can realize through moments in time that we hurt people, empathy can award us a golden opportunity into how we may have hurt someone else, and through our ranting and raving, could hurt that person as well. We can be so stubborn that we will get the last word to hurt that person more than they hurt us. This type of anger and emotional fencing damages us and can nearly forever ruin great and robust relationships.
But how do we look inside and learn to forgive ourselves to forgive others? Hate is a heavy burden to bear. Guilt is like a dark cloud we desperately try to run from. Understanding our pain and learning how to forgive ourselves may allow us to realize how utterly important it is to forgive.
Until next time, may you find a way for you to forgive yourself for the burdens that allow you to stay shackled.
Ty Bechel is the executive director at Amare, a nonprofit 501(C)(3), that is a non-clinical, peer-led recovery community organization that offers recovery support services, education, awareness, guidance and hope to Madison County.
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October 28, 2020 at 09:02PM
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Forgiveness can be difficult - Alton Telegraph
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